A Mother’s Grief: Remembering Max
Max was a remarkable young man—lively, intelligent, and always on the move. He loved surfing, snowboarding, and music, and he approached life with boundless energy. At the time of his passing, Max was finishing his civil engineering degree in Delft and preparing to begin his master’s in Amsterdam. He was full of anticipation and ready for the next chapter.
In early May 2020, Max was tracking weather forecasts closely. Surf conditions were shaping up to be ideal—maybe a bit rough, but Max never shied away from a challenge. In the end, only he and his friend Mathijs chose to go. “If it doesn’t work out, we’ll just chill on the beach,” Max wrote. That was his spirit.
They entered the sea at Scheveningen, joined by a group of bodysurfers. But the weather shifted. Strong winds stirred up a thick layer of sea foam, creating a deadly trap. Five young surfers lost their lives that night. Max was one of them. What began as a rescue operation quickly turned into a search for bodies.
<strong>Shattered by Loss</strong>
At home that night, Max’s mother received a knock at her door at 2:15 am. The police told her Max was missing. The shock was immediate and devastating. Everything collapsed in an instant.
She had a daughter, Ivy, just seven years old, who still needed her. But the woman Ivy had known as her mother disappeared with Max’s death. Grief, she found, wasn’t something to move through—it was something to survive.
In the weeks that followed, she began writing letters to Ivy to help her understand who her brother was and why her mother had changed. Those letters eventually became a book—not composed with hindsight, but with raw immediacy.
<strong>“Max: A Mother’s First Year of Raw Grief”</strong> is written as a daily, weekly, and monthly account of the year following Max’s death. It opens on the night the police arrive and details the moments, memories, and emotions that followed: the numbness, the longing, the pain, and the permanent absence of a future that once was.
<strong>A Book of Truth, Not Answers</strong>
This book isn’t filled with advice or resolutions—it’s filled with truth. A mother’s truth. Its unfiltered honesty resonated deeply with Dutch readers, many of whom said it was the first book that truly captured their own grief. It became a national bestseller in the Netherlands.
Now available in English, both as an e-book and paperback, all proceeds from the book go to the Royal Netherlands Sea Rescue Institution (KNRM), the volunteer-led group that searched for Max. Even when there’s no hope left, KNRM goes out—to bring a loved one home.
The original Dutch version raised over €60,000 for the KNRM. The goal of the English edition is to continue that support.
<strong>Fragments From the Book</strong>
In the pages, Max’s mother recalls the moment she identified his body, the cold imprint of his wetsuit still on his face. She speaks directly to him: “Mama is here now, my boy, and I will take good care of you.”
She reflects on what really caused the tragedy—not the waves or wind alone, but the thick sea foam that masked danger beneath a seemingly normal surf.
She returns to the beach where Max was found. On the anniversary of his death, she watches other young surfers with silent hope. She pictures Max and Mathijs laughing together in the shallows, catching waves—before everything went wrong.
She describes the painful uncertainty of Max’s final moments, a question she’ll never be able to answer, and her hope that, whatever happened, it was over quickly.
Many have asked if she still goes to the sea. In time, she has. And though it once frightened her, now she finds solace in the thought that the sea was the last to embrace her son.
<strong>“Max: A Mother’s First Year of Raw Grief”</strong> is more than a book—it’s a tribute, a lifeline for the grieving, and a heartfelt call to remember those we’ve lost and those who help us find them.